Because your ideologies are incompatible with mine, this is what you will do.
~ You will deny me what I need. After all, you know best.
~ You will assert your reality over mine. After all, you know best.
~ You will expect far more from me than I am able to give, then you will tell me I need to do even more. After all, you know best.
~ You will devalue my choices and my existence.
~ You will make your power felt.
~ You will blame me, and my faulty thinking, for my failures. I don’t see failures, but you know best.
Because I have choices and autonomy and a mind of my own, this is what I will not do.
~ I will not accept less just because I need more. You made promises. Now you realise they involve more effort than you thought. That doesn’t mean you can deny me my rights.
~ I will not accept that, because the way I live my life is threatening to your Map of the World, I have to be the one to change. It’s just possible that your view, informed by textbooks and cases and experience as it may be, is not my reality.
~ I will not live with the contradictions that can ruin my life. Either you expect me to spend my time pursuing paid work and being financially self-sufficient, or you want me to crawl towards your idea of ‘normality’ by giving up hours, days, weeks, months, years of my life to treatments that may or may not be effective. I cannot do both, and I will not. When you have more insight than “Try harder,” I might be willing to talk to you.
~ I will not accept the myth that my life is less important because there is less that I can do. Telling me you want to make sure that I “won’t have to live [my] life in a wheelchair” is not going to impress me. Neither is suggesting that only with your help can I contribute to society. Show me that I matter, regardless of my personal choices in the areas of mobility aids and part-time work, and maybe we can work together.
~ I will not let you bully me just because you’re bigger, an ‘expert’, and good with excuses. You work for a large organization with a lot of power over a lot of people. I am one person with very little control over my own life. I’m aware that this makes me insignificant to you. I am not insignificant to me.
~ I will not allow anyone to suggest that, because I have a history of mental health problems and a lot of very current anxiety, my views, feelings, reactions and needs aren’t important. I am not crazy. I am not stupid. I am not being difficult. I may be very stressed indeed, but for some reason that only happens when you are involved. How interesting.
I’m aware that, through my use of this ‘you’, I define and dichotimize and demonize and discriminate. I wonder, if I could tell you all this, how you would feel to be on the other side.
But I won’t tell you any of this. You know best, of course.