I am so angry.
This emotion has characterized my weekend. And why? Because of something important or serious? Hardly. That wouldn’t be like me at all. No, it’s because of things I alluded to in my last post. Words on a screen. Virtual communities. Places where I want to fit in, but can’t – because of my views on everything from the Social Model* to non-disabled people**. Because of the ways I express myself (not always all that well, apparently). Because of who I am and how others react to that.
And then I went out for a pint of milk in an effort to calm down, and I went on one crutch because it’s only across the road. And I’m waiting for the little man to change to green, because when you walk slowly it isn’t all that safe to try to cross the road while traffic is rushing past. And a man, who has clearly just crawled out of the pub down the road, grabs me by the arm and says “Do you need any help, love?” And I recoil, and move away, and say “No, thank you,” in a rather pissed-off tone, and then have to repeat that several times as the man seems determined to help me across the road (while traffic is still moving at quite some speed).
I need some new activities for a while, ones that don’t involve messageboards or internet-based worlds. Although, saying that, I’ve just started posting at Disaboom. It seems to be more of a wide-ranging community than others where I have more, um, interesting debates (of the sort that don’t do my little brain any good at all). It’s very American in terminology and approach. But if I can get past that, it might be fun. Beyond that, though, I need to do other things. I just don’t have the energy for much reading or socializing – especially with work (I’m back tomorrow, after a week off for half term. Blah to that). I’ve just discovered 4OD and BBC iPlayer. I think I’ll retreat into cult TV for a few weeks. It’s nice and safe, is TV. If I disagree with something, I can find something else to watch.
Now that’s revolutionary.
*A good thing. Not without exception, but nearly.
**Not all evil oppressors from whom we should separate ourselves at all costs because we’re vastly superior and/or need protection (or something).
TG minus five days